Review: Snakes On A Plane

'Snakes on a Plane' was always going to be a hit because all the online hype, and the following offline hype about the online hype. But is it actually any good?

Well, it's basically it's one melon-farming missed opportunity. Even from the name, fan boys are sat waiting for the barrage of funny quips from Samuel L Jackson, the characters you just know are going to die in inventive ways and perhaps a twist at the end to show it's not all over.

But what you get is a very straight, flat done-on-a-budget disaster movie. Plane takes off, snakes get loose, snakes attack, people fight back, Sam Jackson loses his rag, plane lands, most folk make it.

What is well known about the film is that lots of scenes were added on the suggestions of movie fans on internet message boards. And my God, do they stand out. Look out for any scene where there's extra gore, or one actor is stood against a strangely plain background. Check the close-up of one guy who suddenly starts foaming at the mouth, then in the long shot its all gone; Sam's famous "no more motherfucking snakes on my motherfucking planes" line, and even the pointless surfer ending.

But without these scenes of extra gore, nudity or potty mouthing, you do wonder what sort of film this might have been. Who would have wanted to be basically stuck on a two-hour plane journey with some fairly unpleasant and irritating people, who get cleanly picked off by some polite reptiles? Aside from Sam, ER's Julianna Margulies is the only one who even holds any sympathy from the audience.

This film should have had a life of multiple drunken midnight viewings at the multiplex, followed by cult worship for evermore on DVD. But instead, it will probably spawn a thousand similar lazy copies. Everyone involved should be made to sit and watch 'Tremors' and 'Lake Placid' one hundred times each.